How you can help families with a sick child at hospital
One of my friends mentioned to me that they do not know what to say to me since we found out about our daughter having a brain tumor. I was glad my friend was honest with me. This led to an open conversation about how you can help families with a sick child in hospital. The reality is it is hard for anyone to know exactly what to say and do unless you have gone through something similar yourself.
If you have friends, family or neighbors that have a sick child in the hospital I hope this article helps you. I mentioned it to a private Facebook page I am on for mothers who have seriously ill children. They thought it was a great idea as we have all been told things that have made our hearts sink. All comments I have shared in what not to say have been said to a family with a sick child in the hospital.
What not to say:
- God has a reason for them/ they were chosen/ you will never be given more than you can handle/ everything happens for a reason. Whether the family believe in God or not, this is not something they want to hear. It is not helpful and will make most feel bitter and angry.
- If there is anything I can do, do not hesitate to reach out. This might feel like a strange one to add to the do not say list but let me explain. We have so much going on and by saying this you are telling us to get in contact with you and ask you for help. This is not likely going to happen. Instead of asking, my advice would be to just go ahead and do something. Everyone will appreciate meals cooked and frozen, but more on this in the next section of what to do.
- I know what you are going through. Please unless your children and family are in the exact same situation (which is highly improbable) you do not know what it is like or what the family are going through. Do not compare situations.
- It gets easier. I can speak from experience, no it does not. There is nothing easy about watching your child go through this. As a mother I may be able to suck it up and function better some days but believe me most of the time I am a mess. As someone mentioned to me as parents a numbness just takes over you after a while, but this changes you forever.
- You must stay positive. Sometimes I just want to complain and talk about how unfair it is that Alice has a brain tumor. When I do it is ok to just listen to me and agree. Even better bring over a bottle of wine that we can share while I vent.
- At least you can have more kids. This has been said to a family and I do not think I need to explain why to NEVER say this.
What to do:
- Drop off cooked meals or freezer food. As mentioned above this will always be appreciated. Just pop by or leave on their porch some food with a little note saying you are thinking of them. This will be so helpful and mean a lot to them.
- Offer to take care of any pets. Whether the family is staying in hospital or at home they likely have extraordinarily little energy for anything other than looking after their child and themselves. If you can offer to come by and walk the dog, spend time with the cat or feed the fish.
- Offer help with any siblings. Does the family have any other children? Can you organize a play date with them or offer to babysit? Can you help with dropping off/picking up any siblings to and from school?
- Offer to come by on a certain day to clean and do laundry. This would be extremely helpful, and I am speaking from experience. When you are going through this, laundry is the last thing on your mind but something that does need to be done. Most of the time you are either living in hospital or going to and from doctors’ appointments and have little time to do anything else.
- A note saying you are thinking of them. That is, it. You do not have to write anything else or think of anything encouraging to say. Letting them know you are thinking of them is encouraging enough.
It is also important for us parents to remember that no matter what someone says to us, they do not mean any malice. They are just trying to do their best in supporting us as it is hard to know what to say. No matter what people say they do not want to hurt us. They are trying their best to comfort us as best they can. It is also important for us to learn to ask for help and let people know what we do need.
After talking to a few mothers, I realized all of us had lost friends after our child got sick. Unfortunately, I must assume it may be because they just do not know what to say to us anymore. I am glad my friend was honest with me in telling me she did not know what to say or do. This way I was able to show her what helps, and I have not lost her as a friend. I hope the points I have shared have helped some to see how you can help families with a sick child in hospital. If you are still not sure what to say or do let your friend know that this way, they can tell you. Having a sick child is hard but it is a lot harder when your friends do not know what to say so they stop being in contact all together.
If you do have a child with a serious illness there are many programs available that provide support. TinySuperheroes is one we really love. To read about it click here.
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2 thoughts on “How you can help families <br> with a sick child in hospital.”
Such a great post, Taking care of others feelings is the best thing we can do.
Thank you so much, I am glad you liked it.
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